Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
