I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
