guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
