The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
