that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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