she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
