New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
