I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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