Where is the hickey?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
