having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
