Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this just has baby written all over it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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