I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So much rum. So many feels.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
