Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
