This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
