dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
