ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
