it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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