Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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