Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
