just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
