True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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