I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
