I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
