I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my poor anus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
