There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
