The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
