Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
