In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
