You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
