Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
