I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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