The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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