my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
