life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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