you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
