I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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