Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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