Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
