They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
