haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
