I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
