dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
