My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
