tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
