You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
