i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
