My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
