i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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