Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
