Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
