Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
