So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
