She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
